Toxic love, abusive relationships, shocking betrayals, deception, cruel mind-games and emotional manipulations; the favorite game played by dark, soulless and hollow predators, disguised in the human form.
In the Vodou, we very much believe there are dark, empty, sinister forces seeking to prey on whole, loving, empathetic souls. They profess to offer “loving relationships,” “loving partnerships,” “marriages,” “soul mates,” or con you with every other romantic desire you may have. While they are difficult to spot at first, these messages below help give you a solid guideline as to the red flags in their behavior, consistent with all these cruel and destructive energies.
These abusive entities do such an amazing job parading around as a “fine person” a “great catch” or so “vulnerable and safe.” At first anyway; that is until their mask slips and you see they have no conscience. Their only real skill is presenting themselves as exactly what you need, only to lure you into their web of abuse, deceit, manipulations and cruelty. Once you are tangled up with these destructive energies, you are dragged down a rabbit hole of pain, despair, cognitive dissonance and shock, causing severe emotional and spiritual trauma.
These dark energies, masquerading around as a human, deliberately target higher-vibration, loving, emotionally whole and spiritually rich souls. These empty vessels must find an energetic fuel supply to feast upon, so they can sustain their sad, pathetic, weak and cowardly existence. Therefore, they require nourishing life force or “As̩he̩” as we refer to it in the Vodou. They would not have targeted you if you did not possess these gifts from spirit.
In the Vodou we believe these problems are spiritual in nature. These dark creatures are indeed, spiritually sick, however, for purposes of this realm, we use the words Sociopath, Narcissist and Psychopath to describe such entities. The carnage they leave in their wake is gruesome and soul crushing. A large part of our
spiritual work for the past 15 year at Erzulie’s is servicing the victims of these love frauds, predators and monsters so our clients can start the healing process.
If you are suffering, struggling, demoralized or need clarity as to your toxic or abusive relationship, cruel betrayals and emotional manipulations we can help. Or, if you are uncertain as to “who” or “what” you are dealing with, our highly trained experts offer many
spiritual counseling sessions and spiritual healing rituals to bring solutions, clarity, awareness and break you free from the pain and suffering. Many of our practitioners are not only formally educated on these matters but also survivors themselves.
This page on toxic relationships, abusive relationships, emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse was designed to offer an easier reference on these deep, complicated dynamics and the ancient spiritual beliefs about dark forces, dark energies, evil spirits, and how they manifest in our homes, bedrooms and hearts. We assembled our most popular and relevant social media memes to offer an introduction about how these energies maneuver in our personal, intimate world.
Each image was created and designed by the
Root Queen (the owner) herself, using her images, film, photos and artwork she has personally painted over the years. Once she is done with the image selection to go with the message that “pops in her head that day,” she finishes the rest of the graphics and artwork for social media and then writes the spiritual message to post. Her goal is to provide support, knowledge and to help “make the inconceivable, more comprehensible.” She says this is part of her “Prayer Time and Spirit Time” each morning and overall life’s work; to bring healing and awareness to anyone who is suffering to connect them to the power of the Vodou spirits and explore deeply held spiritual truths and empowerment. If you are not part of our social media, please join us (links above and below) as she posts messages quite often and they are always very illuminating.
We do hope the pieces we selected on this page help you seek comfort, wisdom and brings more spiritual awareness in your life about such destructive emotional issues. Scroll down to learn more about these dark forces behind all toxic relationships, abusive relationships, emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse!
Posted June 2019 ~ A funny conversation I had with a client yesterday about someone new “suddenly” entering their lives. They weren’t sure about some behaviors, so had me take a look. There is always a little truth in humor and especially with spiritual energies or those who profess to be oh-so- spiritual. I always say, the Devil is also spiritual. You need to discern what kind of spirits they carry and why are they here? Many turn to spiritually NOT to overcome their demons, but rather, to CONCEAL them. Pray over every new relationship or connection. Many times these demons sneak in your life with connections you DIDN’T pray about. Posted Dec. 2019 ~ Ohhhh the holidays, or as I like to call them, “relationship nostalgia season.” This is the time of year I hear constantly in my spiritual sessions, the endless reports of exes reaching out, toxic friends trying to circle back into your life, and estranged loved ones making attempts to reconnect, all under the convenient guise of holiday cheer. Don’t be fooled by the “I miss you’s,” or the “just thinking of you,” or the “hey beautiful’s,” or whatever other transparent, pretty words they choose. They are still the same unreliable, self absorbed, thoughtless, toxic and hurtful people they always were, which caused the disconnect to begin with. While there are numerous reasons for their efforts, usually the abysmal, lonely and sad lives which they’ve chosen due to their atrocious behavior, their motivations as always, have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, it’s all about THEM. They’re testing the waters in hopes you won’t adhere to your new found boundaries and they can creep back in. You’ve suffered enough with their antics, went through the grieving process of their cruelty, moved on and now in an amazing place! When spirit gives you a new beginning, don’t repeat the same mistake twice. Snakes rarely come to you with hisses and rattling their tale, they’re much too manipulative for that ~ they announce themselves as old loves, old friends and nostalgic family ties. No response is the antidote! Posted Jan. 2020 ~ A New Year ~ a New Decade ~a New You ~ begins soon! Such a powerful opportunity to create the NEW LIFE you dream about. Much of what the New Year brings depends upon what you’re bringing into it…and if you’re truly honest, what you can’t bring into your life anymore. Leave behind all those who disrespect, deceive, disregard your favor or dishonor your presence in their lives. It’s time to leave all those toxic energies behind you, as they will only cheat you from your glorious future. Throw the trash out! A long, tumultuous and chaotic decade has passed…and that is where it needs to stay, in the past. Hello 2020, let’s do this!!!! Posted Nov. 2019 ~ For those struggling to move on from a toxic relationship; whether it be romantic, friend, family or environment, making the commitment to NOT go back is often the first step to moving forward. You can’t heal by dancing with the same energies which caused you harm, injury or made you spiritually and emotionally wounded. Toxic bonds are not “soul sponsored,” they are not healthy and absolutely not sustainable. Read that again! Your destiny will invariably demand better treatment, healthy love and genuine souls to walk with you. Commit to yourself, commit to your freedom and commit to not going back to that toxic dynamic. Posted June 2019 ~ For those struggling with energetic instability around certain people. From a Vodou and spiritual perspective, energy is contagious. Uplifting or life draining: you will feel the effects of their energy. Be very discerning with whom you share your energy and, allow into your space. Pay close attention to how you feel when they appear; do you perk up and feel joy or that dreaded feeling in the pit of your stomach? Often, we forget their energy introduces who they are long before they speak, hence why we often hear or have said, “I knew something wasn’t right but ignored it anyway” type recollection of the experience. Energy is everything. The energy in these exchanges determines how you feel around them and, tells you whether you need to end that connection or not. Posted Dec. 2019 ~ As we move into the holiday season I’m hearing more and more in our spiritual sessions the panic about having to engage with toxic family members, and this imposed “obligation” by those in the family who enable said toxic behavior. The truth is, you are not required to engage with toxic family, not even a little. You are not required to entertain toxic family patterns of disrespect, chaos, manipulation, insults or lies. Nor are you required to respect someone who has never treated you with respect, just because you’re related. Respect is not a given, it is earned ~ read that again! If you’ve been treated badly, without accountability, avoid those family members, as that is the only thing you are required to do ~ protect your well being. There is no virtue in tolerating toxic or abusive behavior. There is no virtue in tolerating anyone who threatens your emotional health, safety and peace. Break free of the toxic family patterns this holiday season and surround yourself by your chosen, loving family instead. Posted Oct. 2018 ~ For those struggling with a traumatic loss, especially a deep heartbreak due to a sudden ending of a relationship. Every loss leaves holes in your heart, mind and being. You have to make sure you take the time to HEAL from the events which took place, and truly heal. This is the time to get to the deep root causes of your wounds, negative relationship patterns, the role you played, the lessons you learned and why certain behaviors manifested. I see so often with clients they are trying to fill this painful void by quickly getting involved and immediately dating anyone to escape the painful emotions that come with the grieving process. While this does distract us for a moment, it is not going to heal anything, in fact, it guarantees you’ll simply be repeating what you haven’t repaired. Going from pain to pain will destroy you. And, your broken pieces could cut someone else. Take this time to love yourself, heal yourself, do the hard self examination of what you need and be fine in your “singleness” so you can truly experience a healthy and loving “togetherness.” For those struggling to get to the root of any relationship repetition or moving past a traumatic heartbreak, talk to one of our highly experienced practitioners. Get to the root causes for the clarity, support and spiritual solutions you need to set you free and put you on the path to healing. You are worth the time to reconnect with yourself and learn to love yourself. Posted Oct. 2018 ~ For my friends and loved ones who are dealing with painful abandonment issues. I’ve been hearing this quite a bit lately in my spiritual sessions and finding so many are ruminating over “why they did this,” or “how could they do this,” or reinforcing any deep, unresolved wounds of feeling worthless and devalued. And while I deeply understand the state of shock, disbelief and betrayal, I believe you’re asking the wrong question. The question should be, why do you want them to stay? Wholly formed, loving souls, never put themselves in a position to lose loving, supportive, caring and generous souls such as yourself. Only the spiritually sick, deeply pathological, disordered or those creatures masquerading around in a human vessel, pull such cowardly, deceitful and painful antics. I’m sure when you look back, you’ll see their inability to “cope,” “deal,” and their true selves surfaced, right about the time when you were seeking accountability, empathy or reciprocity in any form. Their hideous, sad and pathetic behavior is not a statement of YOU, it’s a reflection of their failure of a human being, on just about every level. They way they leave tells you EVERYTHING. And, it absolutely confirms they were not Divinely sent…those that are sent to you by your spirits, fight for you, not flee. Thank your spirits for removing the sickness from your world. In hopes this helps start the healing process for those suffering such wounds that have nothing to do with them. Alafia! Posted Mar. 2019 ~ With all this intense retrograde energy and activity, it allows us a chance to look back at how far we’ve come, all the major changes, shifts and goals we set, and the opportunity to see, what will never be a part of our story again. As with all retrogrades, this is also the time the past suddenly resurfaces to connect and find a way to remain in your world. Many forfeited their position in your life, so hold firm to your boundaries: they have nothing new to say. For those closing the chapters of their old life and severing old ties, environments and connections to propel you towards your destiny, this post and for you! And a huge congratulations on releasing everything and everyone not feeding your soul. Well done! You’ve made it! Posted Aug. 2017 ~ One of the MOST empowering ways to deal with hurtful people…SILENCE! And, while it is natural to expect them to acknowledge the pain they caused with their unconscionable behavior, seek an apology and/or changed behavior, this rarely happens. Those hopes only keep you tethered to their low level vibration and often, it feeds their weak and crippled egos ~ usually at the root of their bad behavior. Damaged people love a reaction, especially negative ones. Just STOP: cut them off entirely with silence ~ that is your most powerful position for freedom, healing and complete disconnection from such energies. Posted Mar. 2019 ~ Emptiness…for those having feelings of emptiness…this is part of the transformative process and confirms you are transitioning to new levels, new directions and new territories. Shedding the old ideals, environment, routines, connections and energies: all to make way for this new phase in your life. While these feelings are uncomfortable and often times, bring up many dormant, unresolved areas buried deep within, it is necessary. It is also temporary. This phase of emptiness removes those carefully constructed barriers from our old ways of being, to discover new passions or uncover a new purpose, which leads us to our destiny. “Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, AWAKENS!” ~ Jung. This one is also for my beautiful, fashionista friend in London, Ms. Elizabeth M. who is bravely walking down these uncertain roads…the moonlight will guide your way!! I promise! Posted Aug. 2019 ~ This is the perfect time to take inventory of your vision for yourself and your life. What are your thoughts, dreams and how far have you come? It’s also the perfect time to examine who you are surrounded by and, how they are impeding or supporting your vision. Tune into their patterns, energy and influence in your life. Do they bring high or low vibrations? Those you spend the most time with indeed effect your progress and growth, so assess honestly. Contemplate what is untrue, inauthentic and insincere in your environment and your own inner narrative. What are you telling yourself and where are you complacent? Gaze into your crystal ball this week, reconnect to your soul and the visions you have for your future. If you find you’re still in the wrong story, now is the time to leave. Posted Oct. 2019 ~ When you’re dealing with trauma or grief from rejection, betrayal or abandonment in a relationship, you are in a “wound space” until you are fully healed. This takes time and examining the hard internal issues which led you here. Something I see often in my practice is this tendency to jump from new relationship to new relationship and invariably, this new person is even worse than the last. From a spiritual and Vodou perspective during the healing process, it is never the best energetic time to relationship jump; no matter how lonely you may feel or needing some escape from the grief, or needing external validation; you have an almost guaranteed chance of drawing a toxic, deceptive, injurious person into your life. You more than likely will resonate with those from a place of being wounded, and usually, those resonating with you in this energetic space are deeply harmful predators. The toxic spirits they carry can smell vulnerability a mile away and will deliberately seek you out. We cannot discern the energies so well from this space, as we are malnourished in this area, almost starved, and suddenly, the most toxic creature is now a tonic because they look like a whole meal. For those from traumatic childhoods, where your needs were never met, your chances radically increase until you are healed from that toxic dance and spiritual imprint. As is said, “we all eat lies when our hearts are hungry” or as I say, “heal before you deal!” Posted Sept. 2018 ~ I’m not a fan of these trendy, shallow, manifestation expressions ~ “You attract what you are.” “You’re drawing to you who you are” “You’re a mirror of that person who abused/deceived/manipulated/injured you.” I hear these quotes regurgitated out of the mouths of the victims often. Taught to accept responsibility for the devastating treatment by the various abusive, personality disordered, addicted and deceptive creatures. It breaks my heart because it’s punishing the victim twice! Change that dialogue! I don’t come into agreement with any abused soul accepting they “drew” that empty, soulless vessel into their world. And nor should you! They were more likely allowed in after being shown a convincing mask of humanity, which never existed. Many times, these empty husks of an entity, parading as human being, work very hard to deceive and target higher vibrational, loving, mindful and supportive soul such as yours. They select wholly formed, functioning souls who lead with what I term the “bias of truth.” Where fully formed, healthy adults assume they too, will value such traits of love, compassion, honor, integrity and support and not violate, exploit or sabatoge such gifts. But these energies will always violate such qualities, everytime. This is because they are in desperate need of your life force and powerful energy as they have no sense of self and wish to destroy yours. This ties into their massive failures and inadequacies on every vital level. Our only responsibility is to stay alert for the incongruity of their words and their behavior, which surely follows. I’ve always said, these entities aren’t drawn to YOU, they are drawn to what YOU CARRY. Never give them the power to punish you twice by agreeing to your role in the distorted and twisted theater of their minds. You are not responsible for their cruel, hurtful, sick and toxic behavior. You didn’t “draw it to you!” You are only responsible for recognizing it, not accepting it and cutting them loose! Empowerment starts with awareness of the energies drawn to you…stay woke! Posted July 2017 ~ No truer words spoken folks…never worry about those who gossip, slander or have nothing but negative things to say behind your back…they’re behind you for a reason…primarily because they have nothing productive or positive going on in their unhappy lives. You just keep shining on and give them something spectacular to talk about. And, the first person you thought of when reading this, cut them loose from your world ~ they have to go, they’re driftwood… Posted July 2017 ~ Weak, deceptive cowards…seems to be a theme this year in many people’s lives, or the revelations of which…these predatory, empty husks of a shell feast on deceiving, manipulating, leeching, stealing, future faking, comfortable with flunking out, not following through, avoiding accountability, and countless other unconscionable behaviors, without any capacity to comprehend the damage they inflict on others nor wish to. Their disorders prohibit empathy. This is born of their deep shame, pathological insecurities, extreme emotional stuntedness, severe imbalances and self loathing which, are almost always correlated and exacerbated with myriad addictions. Most whole humans have dealt with such childish, immature behaviors as children, these creatures haven’t moved past this point of understanding other people exist short of being used as a tool to fulfill their vapid holes within. We touched upon these mono-beings earlier in the year and feel it needs to be reiterated given my private session last night with a heartbroken client. These failures of a human being, masquerading in an adult vessel, do walk do amongst us; and have mastered the art of projecting false illusions to Ioving, whole, sincere and stable souls: for that is their favorite meal. They prey on people with dynamic qualities, that they will never possess in their sad, empty and fraudulent lives. Forgive yourself for simply not knowing creatures like this exist, (they actually fool experts often) accept they do and also accept the person you thought was in your life NEVER EXISITED in the first place. They are frauds on every level and usually irredeemable. BANISH THEM from your kingdom and get on your knees and thank all that is holy, their mask slipped off before destroying your life, esteem, finances, family and joy even further. Posted Dec. 2017 ~ Whatever the situation, stop and observe: what are you being SHOWN? Words simply tell you their MIND…actions show you their HEART…pay attention to their actions…as this year comes to a close, it’s a perfect time to assess what we want and DON’T want to carry forth into the New Year…step back and observe without the rose colored glasses and ask yourself: is this situation or relationship showing me it deserves to remain in my life? Posted Jan. 2018 ~ People will always show you who they are and, what you mean to them…never go by what they’re telling you: most people barely understand themselves enough to be truthful or able follow through on their words…only listen to their actions…that tells you everything you need to know. Posted May 2018 ~ Searching for the truth about someone in your life? Observe their behavioral patterns and cycles…WHO they are is rooted in WHAT they do…people can talk pretty, mirror what they think you need, put on masks of whatever persona they wish they could be ~ but they cannot hide their natural behavior, patterns and emotional cycles/responses. Actions tell you everything. The truth of who they are and their level of honor, honesty and humanity is ALWAYS in their actions. When their actions DO NOT MATCH their words, or their actions belie their words, this IS who they are; and usually deceptive, cowardly, weak, or whatever behavioral contradictions they are showing you. It almost doesn’t matter, except for you to be aware, since they have no place at your table anyway. For those unsure of any new energy entering your life, this one is for you. Posted Sept. 2017 ~ Oh…the art of unloving! As with all massive eclipses, they bring massive changes and inevitably, endings…so many of my clients and loved ones are dealing with painful break-ups or tough realizations of the fundamental issues in their relationships during the past 2 weeks; some were predictable and some radically unforeseen. Regardless of the situation, they’re deeply painful, traumatic and destabilizing, even if for the absolute betterment of your life. Letting go is very hard: we aren’t sure where to go or what to do with this new space, we think of that person all day, and feel we’ve lost a part of our identity. In the Vodou we very much encourage spiritual cleansings and banishing type rituals to help release the spiritual ties you have you that person ~ “as above, so below”…starting there is a tremendously powerful step towards healing, rebalancing, clarity and lessening the intensity of their connection. It also helps you connect to your inner power and the Divine spirits at a deeper level, to carry you through more peacefully. Feeling every emotion, honoring them and releasing them as you need is needed, don’t repress them. It’s ok to not be ok today! Surrounding yourself with your loved ones and pursuing things you are passionate about or which brings you joy, is what you will now fill that space with. During this time, taking good care of your precious vessel is imperative to push out the grief and stored trauma…we store our traumas in our physical bodies too, remember, “the issues are in the tissues”…while there is no perfect playbook for recovering from a heartbreak, these little shifts each day make a huge difference in how fast and how well you learn to exist without that person and relearning how to live your life…your new and more amazing life, which is waiting for you. In hopes this helps everyone, and please share with anyone you feel this could help too ~ with love and respect. Alafia! Posted May 2017 ~ “When you behave in a manner that poisons your relationships, don’t be surprised when they DIE!” For those who behave with selfish, deceptive, toxic, abusive or reckless disregard towards those who truly love and support them: GROW UP AND BEHAVE BETTER! Solid, loving and loyal souls are NOT EASILY REPLACED, and definitely don’t have time to entertain your emotional or abusive nonsense for long ~ so stop whining when they cut you loose and examine your behavior instead… Posted Feb. 2017 ~ If they don’t see your value, they are NEVER WORTH IT! Posted Nov. 2018 ~ Free yourself from toxic energies and undermining vibrations of people pulling, yanking, baiting or disrupting your thoughts, life, dreams and peace. Human relationships are extremely complex and the vibrations of particularly volatile, immature or addicted people can absolutely be felt if they’re focused on you, even remotely. It’s all about vibrations, energy and psychic chemistry. Disengage and disallow these toxic dramas and disruptions by refusing to acknowledge their existence. It will atrophy those energies. Only acknowledge greatness. Greatness in those that inspire and support you. Those that have made positive impacts. Those that have ethics, honor and integrity. Those that believe in you! Most importantly, acknowledge the greatness in YOU! You start doing that each day, greatness starts acknowledging you back. Alafia! Posted May 2017 ~ We forget: No response IS a response…you can’t waste words on certain people; when silence is the more powerful message. So, save them…save your words for self-talk ~ as in, talking yourself into removing these hurtful people from your life and reminding yourself each day why you deserve SO MUCH BETTER!!! Posted Sept. 2017 ~ We’ve seen a lot of unexpected or radical endings during this eclipse season, especially with romantic relationships and now, the inevitable, never-ending “trying to make it work” dialogue has begun for many of you here. I’ve been hearing about these endless discussions, rehashing the same old, worn out issues, history, finger pointing, mind game playing, blame shifting, and yet, no resolution or defining of the relationship to date. Engaging in these discussions without the intent of resolution and changed behavior is MEANINGLESS. Words are meaningless, if the behavior hasn’t changed. For many, all this is doing is keeping you emotionally tied to this false hope, they are going to suddenly commit, value you, or be the person they initially presented. Some people like to keep their partners in limbo, because they don’t want to close this cushy door, and yet, don’t want to walk through it either…these dynamics are terribly confusing, painful and one sided. Remember, people will never value what they can continually disrespect. Instead, go only by their actions. You’ve talked enough, you’ve rehashed enough feelings and history, you’ve spent countless hours trying to understand these mixed words, emotions and vague ambiguities, it’s time to STOP. STOP trusting their words and ignoring their actions. STOP working with someone who clearly does not want to change. STOP wasting your precious time with someone who isn’t fighting for the relationship. And most importantly, STOP breaking your own heart! Their actions tell you everything and will set you free! Posted Sept. 2016 ~ For those struggling with being in limbo in any area of their lives…no reason to stay is a good reason to go…movement is magic, exploring your world feeds your soul…just go. Go and see all the beauty that awaits your life! Posted June 2017 ~ People will always show you who they are and, what you mean to them…never go by what they’re telling you: most people barely understand themselves enough to be truthful or able follow through on their words…only listen to their actions…that tells you everything you need to know. Posted Dec. 2016 ~ Get UP off that floor and walk into your new life for the New Year! Don’t drag those “part-time,” “spare-time” or only around during their “down-time” relationships with you…they are NOT WORTH YOUR TIME!!! This holiday season, bring the love you deserve into your life and empower yourself for the New Year! Posted May 2017 ~ For those processing a deep heartbreak, betrayal or a sudden break up, remember this: They DON’T forget a love like yours. Oh, they’ll try, BUT, they will never forget being loved the way YOU loved them…and, they will learn the painful lesson and truth: they will NEVER be loved like that again, NOT EVER. Take comfort in that fact, KNOW you will be loved the way YOU DESERVE and very soon, you will care even less… Posted May 2017 ~ Keep on, keepin’ on with ya dope soul folks, and never change for anyone. Felt one of my favorite sketches by Botero, which I filmed during my stay in beautiful Medellín, Columbia last year, of this unapologetic Goddess, perfectly illustrated my point. You ARE enough, more than enough. Change for no one! Posted Apr. 2019 ~ As we move into a time of new beginnings, new roads and new visions for our lives, I’ve been hearing a lot from clients lately in my spiritual sessions, they’re becoming increasingly more isolated from the old “scene.” Not a bad thing, at all, in fact it’s a gift. People, places and routines are becoming a bit of a drag, tiresome and you’re not quite enjoying that old, familiar “vibe.” This is perfectly normal when making changes to elevate your life and purpose. When spirit is moving you to a new level, they start by removing your circle. Back up and read that again! The circle of people or influences who are most comfortable not progressing or not improving or not maturing or, as is often the case, those who are unable to reciprocate genuine friendship or support, frozen in a rut, routine and self-imposed limitations. And when this happens, you start seeing their weight and drag on your life, purpose and passions. As one evolves on their path, a new level of awareness, effort, encouragement and abilities is required, thus, you find you invariably have to change your circles. Spirit will move you away from anything not aligned with your destiny. Not everyone is interested nor capable of supporting your improvements or success, and that’s ok too…your elevation will require separation and isolation from the past because the truth is, many cannot continue on your journey. Posted Nov. 2017 ~ I sometimes think, people forget, love is not just something you FEEL, it’s also something you DO ~ and for the purposes of this post today, what some alleged loved ones, don’t do. If they don’t treat you with respect, honesty, kindness and fairness or constantly sending mixed messages causing emotional anxiety, hurt, or uncertainty as to your place in their life, that IS NOT love. Remove those people. You are too precious to be yanked around with their toxic mind games. Cut them loose. And yes, before you ask, the first person you thought of when reading this, needs to go! Posted Sept. 2017 ~ If you’re involved with someone that is always leaving you with these feelings of uncertainty, ambiguity, anxiety and mixed messages, there comes a time when they either have to come closer or stay away, and this is that time! This “in between” nonsense is exhausting and depletes your energy, and, only serving their selfish needs. If someone truly cares about you and claims to love you, there will be no uncertainty, no wondering, no ambiguity: they will SHOW you everyday! Stop wasting your precious time and energy on those who don’t! Love doesn’t wonder, love isn’t uncertain and love isn’t toxic, so if those dynamics are happening in your relationship, it is NOT LOVE and cut it loose. Posted Jan. 2020 ~ Just a little reminder for my friends here to make sure your New Year and New Decade is as peaceful and prosperous as possible. Never go by mere words…most everyone can talk pretty, particularly when in need, and most especially toxic manipulators. Rather, go by their actions…always and only by their actions. People will always DO what they WANT to do! If they are not reciprocating, calling, reliable, honest, or impeccable with their word, it is because they are choosing to behave this way, choosing to take the best and not give anything back. Your only job is to STAY AWAY. Seriously, just stay away, and don’t get caught in those volatile traps of false hope and crushing disappointment. You no longer need to entertain such nonsense, you have a whole new life here. Keep your 2020 peaceful, joyful and prosperous by cutting out these disruptive and chaotic energies. Posted July 2016 ~ Your time is one of the most precious commodities folks, for it can NOT be replaced…if there is someone in your life not acting right, move forward and leave them behind…remember, YOU ARE THE PRIZE…and someone far more appreciative is waiting to claim you.. Posted Nov. 2017 ~ Usually, it’s what they’re NOT saying which tells me everything…pay attention to what’s NOT being said folks…the answer is within their silence. In a world that over-shares, talks way too much and almost exalts an extreme lack of discretion, it’s a form of spiritual power to fiercely guard your thoughts about deeply important matters ~ and saves your precious time and energy explaining yourself, on deeply unimportant ones. Posted Dec. 2019 ~ A little holiday reminder for my friends who are dealing with some tough and painful situations, endings and harsh truths about their nearest and dearest during the holidays. I’m seeing so much of this in our spiritual sessions this season for sure. I always say, if they truly valued you, they would never put themselves in a position to lose you. Sometimes, you gotta give them what they want and, what their behavior shows they want: your absence. For those undeserving of you, there is no better gift. Posted Jan. 2018 ~ Cruelty…a place so many people stoop to when unable to emotionally cope or process their deep rooted issues. You must be aware of the small acts which demonstrate cruelty that lurks behind the masks of many allegedly “good” people. They often start subtly; insensitivity to your needs, the careless put downs, the silent treatment, words not matching their actions, the indignation of your reaction to THEIR hurtful words or careless deeds. These are all the beginning signs of the cracks in their “good” person facade and the dysfunction seeping through. And while there are indeed good qualities, and many don’t “intend” great malice or harm per se, the absence of empathy and emotional understanding are sufficient. Cruelty is a game played only by the weak and cowardly; it’s a form of emotional abuse, a low level, juvenile tactic used by those who live in fear, powerlessness, self-loathing, low self-esteem, deep insecurities, overall lack of self-respect and dignity. And don’t be fooled: it is a choice. Yes, they are choosing to inflict injury or harm to others with their garden variety antics, as it’s a reflection of themselves, a reflection they are deliberately choosing to avoid acknowledging and dealing with. When they are cruel, it means they haven’t healed. Some can and will, I see this every day in my practice, but be aware of your role while they are resorting to this level of dysfunctional behavior ~ you don’t need to be their collateral damage in the war with themselves either. Stay woke folks, too much self hate = too little self control ~ walking wounded all around us! Posted June 2018 ~ Where will they be in 5 years? Same ruts? Same excuses? Same complaints? Same instability? Same floundering? Or are they striving to improve? Honoring their obligations, debts and promises? Making new efforts? Stopping the excuses? Focusing on new dreams or goals? Ask yourself today: where are YOUR friends headed? Because YOU’RE heading there too! Where they are today without making effort, learning, maturing or striving for integrity, excellence and success, is where they will be in 20 years ~ with YOU, right by their side and as we all know, misery LOVES company! The people you surround yourself MATTER and will determine your trajectory and level of success. If you like where they’re heading, continue down that road with them…but, if their reckless life choices, repetitive issues, tiresome excuses, negativity, drama, toxicity and quality of life frightens or even sickens you a bit, remove them ~ NOW. They will only add weight and drag to your movement. Want to know your future? Look what’s around you now. Posted Jan. 2018 ~ A topic that’s been rearing it’s ugly head a lot lately…your worth and value with loved ones. Love is an action, it’s a choice, it’s a choice one makes everyday for those they love and cherish. When you love someone, you don’t withhold affection, care, concern, time or effort. When someone is precious to you, you show them every day of your life because, it’s a rare and sacred gift to have such love offered to you. They should be your greatest joy, your safe haven, where you can safely be your most vulnerable and not have your personhood injured, neglected or marginalized. Should you find yourself slowly having to fight for care, efforts, loving gestures, support, emotional assurance, being present, thought of, considered or having to remind them of your worth and value, it is deeply confusing, and exquisitely painful. It is a crushing blow to see this person’s actions aren’t matching who they used to be, or who you were shown initially. The truth of the matter is, for whatever reason, THEY ARE CHOOSING TO SHOW YOU EVERYDAY, you’re NOT worth that effort to them. And it is a CHOICE: don’t be fooled by hollow words, weak attempts, intermittent efforts, bare minimum presence, or behaving loving “sometimes,” ~ none of which is acceptable for your soul. If you are trying to engage with such a person, and they are not open to intimate, authentic communications, or willing to change the behavior that is so hurtful, you are giving them PERMISSION to treat you badly. You are teaching them it is ok to treat you this way. NOBODY SHOULD HAVE YOUR PERMISSION TO TREAT YOU BADLY. You may have to accept, you are probably with someone who truly can’t grasp what love is, or isn’t capable of knowing how to love, or in some cases, a person who is emotionally abusive. Withholding affections, silent treatments, pouting, inflicting injury without remorse, or finding offense in your reaction to their shoddy or reckless treatment are red flags. Something deeper is at play, something destructive, unkind and toxic is the root of that behavior. Healthy, loving souls don’t discard their loved ones. Or, work hard at addressing what is causing such bad behavior. And while going through to pain and sadness and confusion as to why they would treat you like this, please keep in your mind and heart: their treatment of you is a direct reflection as to how they feel about themselves. And I’m sure if you look carefully, they are making the same reckless and toxic choices toward themselves and in every other area of their lives too. You are a gift, you are the prize, you bring precious love and respect to the table; their bad behavior is never personal. Posted Jan. 2020 ~ As we move into our new decade, this is a perfect time to throw up your “Do Not Cross” police tape and set firm boundaries with problematic people. Boundaries are your responsibility. Only you decide what is allowed in your world. This year make a firm decision and commitment to yourself, your life and to those you love, to protect them from the relentless chaos, drama and injury caused by peace stealers…they have no place in your life if they can’t respect your new boundaries. And take note of those who react badly to your new limits, they are clearly the ones with the problem…cut them out pronto!!! Manipulators hate boundaries, and you have no place in your new life for such creatures who only block your blessings. Empower yourself and set yourself free! Posted Aug. 2016 ~ For those struggling with a painful breakup due to someone not valuing you, remember: you didn’t lose them…they lost you…you are the prize! Posted Sept. 2017 ~ You come to a point in your life where you can’t even be bothered to rehash or discuss a person’s bad behavior any further; you just can’t even expend the energy dissecting their nonsense ~ and this is a great place to be. I’m a big fan of refusing to engage in any dialogue with such reckless people, as it’s never your anger that sends the message, it’s your silence. Those at war with themselves always cause collateral damage to those around them…stay away from those people or you’ll be in an endless spiral of focusing your energies on their mania. They are energy vampires and their need to create problems, drama, chaos or injury for attention and validation never, ever ends. Take away their power by removing your attention and a participating audience, they’re costing you your peace, and that is too high a price. Posted Nov. 2017 ~ Holiday Season…a time of year when the toxic exes, ex-friends and miserable family members suddenly appear to reconnect or pry their way back into your lives…usually for another round of bad behavior, mistreatment of those around them or in many cases, to ruin your holidays for any type of attention or emotional validation they need to feel alive. Remember, everyone else they know has also had enough of their abusive, manipulative and cruel mind games so they are alone, as usual. And while people CAN change: when they do the hard, focused inner work, stop their destructive nonsense and truly want to be a functioning, whole human; it is the exception, rather than the rule. Loving souls have a natural propensity for trying to “salvage” any bits of humanity they may see inside such people, but remember this: NOT ALL TRASH CAN BE SALVAGED OR NEEDS TO BE RECYCLED! Be cautious when they surface during this season, and THEY WILL ~ most certainly! Stay strong and keep moving forward, they’re behind you for a reason. Posted Jan. 2017 ~ What you allow, will continue…release all that is intolerable and empower your life. Posted Dec. 2016 ~ Something I see frequently in our practice, this concept of an ex now wanting to be friends. I’m not a fan of this tactic for several reasons. Unless you are long past the ex and it happens organically, this “let’s be friends routine” is disingenuous, toxic, and often painful for you. Most are seeking to keep the BEST of you without contributing to your life in a manner you deserve; the same parts of you they couldn’t handle/appreciate/or value when WITH you. Why do they need your gifts now when they had such a challenging time with them in a relationship? Or was it that they want those gifts without any responsibility, reciprocity, commitment or loyalty? None of this meets the test of friendship on ANY LEVEL! Posted June 2017 ~ If they let you get away, let them stay away and live with their choices: free from your love, support or friendship as this is apparently what they want…stop looking back, turning back or going back to the those who caused you nothing but PAIN…your healing is NEVER in the past, only in the FUTURE and, far away from them!! Posted June 2017 ~ Oh…how we love to chase that certain picture in our minds…we get into the bad and toxic habit of pursuing people, desires or fixations that we cleverly convince ourselves they are “meant for us”, even when we have been clearly shown, they are not. Stop breaking your own heart and practise detachment and acceptance when these people or situations are showing you repeatedly, they are not meant for you…set yourself free, starting now! Posted Oct. 2017 ~ No truer words spoken folks…never worry about those who gossip, slander or have nothing but negative things to say behind your back…they’re behind you for a reason…primarily because they have nothing productive or positive going on in their unhappy lives. You just keep shining on and give them something spectacular to talk about. And, the first person you thought of when reading this, cut them loose from your world ~ they have to go, they’re driftwood… Posted July 2017 ~ Get in the habit of recognizing WHERE they are in their lives: emotionally, level of maturity, spiritually, morally, discipline, values, etc. Not where you wished they were, not what their potential could be, but who and where they are TODAY, and adjust accordingly…which sometimes means, leaving them far behind. If they’re meant to go in the same destination as you, they’ll catch up… Posted July 2017 ~ Their actions show you WHO THEY ARE…their words only show who THEY WANT to be…know the difference! Observing what they DO will save you tons of agony and disappointment with damaged, selfish, or reckless people. You can only love those broken souls from afar when they’ve shown you repeatedly, how little they care for self and others. Posted Sept. 2014 ~ Such a beautiful perspective of looking at our wounds….yes, let the light enter in those tender spaces… Posted Aug. 2016 ~ Certain people or experiences in our lives profoundly change us; it shakes us to our core and pieces of us become entirely different. For those people who caused such deep shifts and want to pick up where they left off, remind them of this. Posted Jan. 2018 ~ We’ve all been there…giving our best, stepping up and supporting our loved ones during difficult times only to be repeatedly taken for granted, disregarded and disrespected. If you’re struggling with this, keep in mind, over time, you WILL become grateful, comfortable and quite happy for being pushed away…pushed away from shabby treatment, bad behavior and hurtful actions. Thank them for freeing up that space in your life, you can now fill it with your needs, your joys, your passions without ever having to worry about their nonsense again! They’re giving you the gift of positive, peaceful energy, by pushing you away from their painful, destructive and negative ones! Posted Oct. 2017 ~ Your heart is the gateway to your soul…when seeking answers, pay attention to what your heart is telling you. Does this person/situation feel bad to me, wrong for me, hurtful, joyful, supportive or inspiring??? Take some time to clear out the chatter in your head, check your ego and agendas at the door, and sit quietly with your heart…the answer is always there. Posted Sept. 2019 ~ I hear this a lot in my private sessions with clients; they’re trying to make real changes in their lives, habits, patterns or destiny and invariably, loved ones or “friends” are undermining the process with what I call the “pull back.” Whether it be through creating drama to divert their attention, using the garden variety of emotional blackmail tricks or finding passive ways to impede their progress. The truth of the matter is, this is YOUR LIFE! You have to stop letting people take what’s yours: your dreams, goals, self-worth and energy. Often, one needs to become “unavailable” to invest the time needed in themselves to get to the next level, and this is both OKAY and necessary. This is a reminder for those who may have forgotten they have to do what’s best for their lives, and not everyone else’s. Posted Apr. 2019 ~ Examine your motivations. Why are you pursuing something or someone? Habit? Ego? Conditioning? Pattern? Because it’s expected of you? Ask yourself what are you really gaining from all this frenzied energy? Is this truly who or what best serves you? Are you addicted to the chase? Is this a repetitive pattern to divert you from your fears of truly pursing what is in your heart to do? Fear of change? Are you stuck in the comfortable familiar? These are vital questions to ask if you find yourself in more reactive or, repetitive life choices and cycles. As Rumi says, “always be suspicious of what you want.” Examining your motivations is liberating and brings the freedom needed to make miraculous changes in your life. Posted Feb. 2019 ~ Wanting a sign IS a sign…it’s usually the first indication things have or are about to change. When you start sensing subtle shifts, uncertainty, or even anxiety, chances are you are about to be making some new decisions somewhere in your world. With respect to romantic relationships however, wanting a sign tends to bring about a need for confirmation and clarity often due to conflicting behavior, the nagging feeling something isn’t quite aligned or, someone’s needs have changed. Either way, the first step to releasing any doubts and uncertainties is to recognize when they begin, sitting still to address the swirling thoughts and pinpoint where in your world they are stemming from. Your mind wouldn’t be wanting a sign to begin with if something hasn’t changed or needs to be addressed. Embrace these changes and find comfort in the unknown as it’s a gift: the gift of awareness and intuition, two very powerful tools. So for those looking for a sign to confirm a certain area needs revisiting, this is your sign. Let us know if we can be of any help in clarifying those signs for you too, our highly experienced practitioners offer many spiritual options for just these situations!